I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
