I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
