You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
