My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
