No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
