i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
