After last night, I could never be a politician.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
