haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
