I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
