So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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