Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
