if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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