I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
