just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You took a bar mat shot.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
