Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
