i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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