Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
