He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
