i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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