Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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