During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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