the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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