HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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