I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
