i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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