i wish peter jackson would direct porn
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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