hotel room ftw
Buhtt sex?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
