made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
