I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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