goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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