You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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