First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
