I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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