he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
