I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
