I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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