I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
