I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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