I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
