my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
