I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
