He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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