omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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