I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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