I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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