3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
