Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
