she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
