I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
