dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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