Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
