if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
