I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
