I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
