no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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