mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
